Thirty

I’m calling this one thirty because this is my thirtieth straight day of creating a blog post.

I committed to create 30 posts in 30 days as a challenge to myself. It was an idea I picked up from another source, and was only supposed to be micro-blogging. The thirty essays were only to be 250 words. Most of mine are many times longer. That doesn’t mean they’re many times better for the overabundance of verbiage, but I’ve learned that I finally have some things to write that I’m going to write, damn it. If my writing is read, wonderful. If not…I’m writing. My heartfelt thanks to any of you who have read each one. Wow! Really!

Thirty of something is not a lot. 

If you’re looking backward.

I remember my thirtieth birthday. I couldn’t believe it. But sure enough, that was the number on the cake in front of me. Looking backward seemed like I’d blinked once, sped through my teens, blinked a second time, blew through my early 20’s, got married, became a dad (three times over), and was leaning over to blow out birthday candles.

I’m on the uphill climb to summit the second set of thirty years since that day. I’ve accumulated 4 more kids in this second batch, and then, halfway into them, my marriage failed. The fallout from that tried to contaminate everything with blame and shame and the ”whys” of bitterness. But, I reconnected with my high school dream girl and the love of my life a dozen years ago. And thanks to God and her, my heart, though bruised, is healed and whole, and better than it ever was. And unbelievably, I’ve got a few more years to go to hit sixty. I’m looking forward to all that they will unveil.

I can tell you, looking forward from here, trying to bite off thirty more seems pretty daunting. But God willing, I’m pretty sure I can make it. 

When it comes to writing on purpose, I’ve shamefully waited and wasted a lot of years…a slave to my fears. 

Not good enough.

Who do you think you are?

You have no credentials!

You’re too old now, you let all the creative years slip away.

Those and many other thoughts chained me up in a prison I built to keep from trying. I still have those thoughts. They haven’t gone anywhere, but they aren’t going to have the final word.

Thirty years from now, I won’t look back and regret this effort. I’d be hella heartsick if I never made the attempt.

I intend that the accomplishment of this 30 in 30 blog posts be only the first of a never-ending string.

I’ve proved something to myself. It’s a psychological victory. Those are really the only kind that matter.

Tomorrow, I’ll start on my next 30 day streak. 

What are some things you want to do in the next 30 days? Can you go ahead and commit?

Start today. Thirty feels like a lot looking forward, but sitting here this morning, looking back, it’s not so hard. It would have been much harder to deal with more self-regret. I don’t know where this is gonna go, but I’m gonna go for it, for sure!

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