Greg Proffit Writing

Tag: advice

You Should Never Pay For Top-Shelf Liquor In A Mixed Drink

Photo by Mathew Benoit on Unsplash

# 25 on my 99 Life Tips–A List is: Never pay for top shelf liquor in a mixed drink. You’re only going to taste the mix, anyway. Use house (well) liquor for any mixed drink.

Every bar or restaurant that serves mixed drinks will advertise cocktails that feature high-end, top-shelf liquors. But those high-end, higher priced liquors are wasted in a mixed drink, along with the premium you pay for them, because most of us cannot taste anything but mix and perhaps some “bite” or “burn” from the alcohol. You cannot taste the quality of the liquor so never pay for top shelf liquor in a mixed drink. You’re just wasting money, showing off, or showing off by wasting money.

You should learn how to make your favorite drink at home. Make it with the cheapest liquor you can buy at your local package store. Learn the recipe, the ingredients, and the ratios. As you drink it, notice what you’re really tasting. It will be the mix.

Even in classics, the mix will overwhelm the finest liquor

Some classic cocktails, martinis, and high-balls comprise one liquor, usually 1 to 1.5 ounces in the pour, and one mixer. Think gin and tonic, classic vodka or gin martini, whiskey sour, etc. Even when ordering these drinks, resist the temptation to go top shelf. The ratios are not 1:1in a bar. The mixer will overwhelm and drown the alcohol.

Instead, show your sophistication by ordering “well” or “house” liquor in your mixed drinks. Never pay for top-shelf liquor in a mixed drink. If you want top shelf liquor, learn to drink it neat or with a rock or two. Some scotch whiskey aficionados will add a drop or two of water. Literally. They can taste the difference in flavor profile from that minuscule amount. I don’t have that kind of palate. You probably don’t either.

So, if these connoisseurs of high-end, top shelf single malts can tell if a drop or two of water is added, what do you think happens to that top shelf liquor when you add a couple of ounces of freshly squeezed lime juice or simple syrup to the glass? Do you think the character of the liquor changes? Its complexity, taste (including where on your tongue you notice the taste), and finish are all compromised. Be smart and keep that money in your pocket for slow sipping and savoring of the finer liquors—neat. Never pay for top-shelf liquor in a mixed drink.

July 22, 2021
Do Not Borrow Problems Not Yours To Solve

Photo by Olav Ahrens Røtne on Unsplash

# 97 on my 99 Life Tips–A List is: Do not borrow problems not yours to solve. Life will give you enough to do.

Do you know what the biggest problem facing most people is? Their biggest problem is that they don’t know what their biggest problem is. Maybe this is you.

We all know people who make it their life’s work to stick their nose into other people’s business. We’ve all got friends and family and co-workers coming out our ying-yangs telling us how to do this or that, or how to fix something or other we know good and well they have neither experience nor expertise we can rely on.

Don’t do that. Don’t borrow problems that aren’t yours to solve. You just make yourself a royal pain-in-the-ass. Life will give you enough to do just focusing on your own shit.

When you receive unsolicited advice from someone telling you what you should do about whatever, and you can see they are drowning in a cesspool of their own unsolved problems, how does that feel? Do you consider them a trusted source? Do you appreciate their concern and rush to incorporate their advice?

No Poseurs Allowed!

Hell no! You don’t want to be that guy/girl/non-binary poseur either.

Leave other people’s problems alone. Leave them alone until they ask you. The invitation to pitch in with help and advice in someone else’s affairs is a sacred trust. Don’t neglect it and don’t abuse it. Be the person who gets asked your opinion, not the kind who never gets asked yet can’t stop giving it.

One day soon, I will write a story titled, How To Know If You Are A Good Parent. The story will comprise one question and two follow up comments.

The question: Do your kids ask for your advice?

The comments: If yes, you are a good parent. If not, you need some improvement.

Now, like chord positions on a guitar neck, this story can be transposed to play in different keys. We can change it from the key of Parenting to the key of Friendship, say. We can then change the title substituting Friend for Parent and keep the content of the story exactly the same. See how nice that works?

Is this too simplified? Maybe. But then, I’m a simple guy. Let’s keep things real, shall we?

Don’t borrow problems not yours to solve. Go to work on your biggest problem. Start by figuring out exactly what that is.

We good?

July 22, 2021
How Music Affects Your Emotions Directly

Photo by Jens Thekkeveettil on Unsplash

# 23 on my 99 Life Tips–A List is: Music bypasses your thoughts to affect your emotions directly. It is unique among art forms for this quality as far as I’ve discovered. Take care then, what you are inviting to stir your emotions.

Music affects emotions and brain responses in emotional centers regardless of lyrical content, or whether the pieces are solely instrumental. There is a body of brain imaging and clinical proof that music bypasses your thoughts to affect your emotions directly.

This topic is worthy of a book or a doctoral thesis on its own. I will limit my commentary to calling your attention to the facts stated. Of note is that one study linked above showed that hearing sad music provoked some people to deeper levels of sadness.

“… the study found that for some people, sad music can cause negative feelings of profound grief.”
~ Memorable Experiences with Sad Music—Reasons, Reactions and Mechanisms of Three Types of Experiences published in Plos One

Emotions usually spring from thoughts

Emotions usually arise as the products of thoughts, and independent of willing them into existence. A person can choose to be happy, but cannot by willing it, make it so directly. One cannot will happiness. One must first think happy thoughts… or listen to happy music. Music affects your emotions directly, not needing the mind to act as conduit.

I am listening to jazz by Art Pepper as I write this. This is the first time I’ve immersed myself in an hour of his playing. I am familiar with him as a jazz musician only because I’ve read references to him in some Barry Eisler books, and I’ve heard snippets of tunes while watching the Bosch detective series derived from Michael Connelly’s novels. (You can stream Bosch on Amazon Prime Video).

Having no familiarity with Pepper’s music, I am enjoying his fluid, sensual, upbeat, even cheerful jazz clarinet and saxophone as the perfect accompaniment to writing. There is nothing melancholy or depressing about it. It is urgent and energetic—sometimes staccato, phrased like well punctuated sentences. He plays woodwinds the way a hummingbird flies, darting here and there—never still for long. There is nothing angry, and certainly no rage. I find myself carried along, fully engaged with the virtuosity of expression, the coolness of style that draws me in like a whisper rather than repelling me like a shout.

Ray Bradbury said the best jazz musicians play as if they don’t believe in death. An hour or so in and I know Pepper is an unbeliever, too. Listening to him I don’t believe in death, either. Rather, I feel smarter, more sophisticated and cosmopolitan—more vibrant and alive. It would be the perfect soundtrack for a dinner party, or an art crawl. Perhaps to serenade a gathering of happy, comfortable friends as they sample wines, cheeses, and chocolates. I like it. It makes me feel good and I will add Pepper’s jazz to my rotation.

You have your favorite music. Ask yourself what it does for you. How does it make you feel? Do you have a “go to” band or song?

Music as mental health medicine

I have a life-rule not included on my 99 Life Tips list, but it would easily be the hundredth tip. Never, ever drink when you’re down. That, too, is a story in its own right. You should, however, have some healthy alternatives for self-medicating your mental health. I find there is nothing better than music. The studies linked above cite the therapeutic value of music as well. Music affects your emotions. Just take care to recognize which emotions you’re inviting yourself to feel when you make your choice of music to listen to.

“Dear Mr. Fantasy, play us a tune
Something to make us all happy
Do anything, take us out of this gloom
Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy
You are the one who can make us all laugh
But doing that you break out in tears
Please don’t be sad, if it was a straight mind you had,
We wouldn’t have known you all these years”
~Traffic: Dear Mr. Fantasy

July 20, 2021
Never Ignore Your Conscience—Even If Tempted By Camisoles, Honeysuckle, and Dreams

Photo by Jan Segatto on Unsplash

# 82 on my 99 Life Tips–A List is: Never ignore your conscience. It is the only internal compass you have to accuse or excuse your behavior. Ignore it at your peril.

Your conscience is to your future moral life as the ability to feel heat from a burner is to your future sense of touch. Ignore it at your peril. You should never ignore your conscience. It’s a pre-loaded tool that either excuses or accuses your thoughts and behaviors. A moral compass if you will.

A clear conscience, free from internal, self-directed accusations and recriminations, is essential to peace of mind. And peace of mind, one of the highest of all ends to be sought for its own sake, is essential to a good life. Therefore, if you hope to have the peace of mind that enables a good life, don’t ignore your conscience.

Alternately, you can lie to yourself, cover up your faults, sins, and poor treatment of others telling yourself you’re not as bad as Osama Bin Laden or Hitler, so you’re probably still not on God’s naughty list, since you aren’t as bad as you could be.

But face it, a good life is really a life in which you’re as good as you can be in every area of which you exercise any degree of agency and control. No one would define the good life as the one in which you fail to be as bad as you could have been.

Fear and Longing in a Camisole

I remember my initial wrestlings with my conscience and the FEAR OF GOD!

Boy, do I! It involved some strange things happening in my dreams because of a raven-haired “sitter” who read me sections of the Hobbit in a too-sheer camisole . (She was my grandfather’s second wife’s 19-year-old daughter.) I remember the feel of her silken smooth arm against my pre-teen shoulder, propped up on pillows, listening to Gollom’s riddles. I remember how she smelled of honeysuckle. And I remember the unbidden and uncontrollable, and horrible longings all that innocent sensuality provoked.

Soon, the honeysuckle-scented camisole’d sitter was in my dreams too! How did she get there? And, well… let’s just say my conscience worked just fine.

It was my first encounter with the lifelong truth so ably depicted in the Grateful Dead’s Dupree’s Diamond Blues:

“That jellyroll will drive you so mad!”

Look, there are things you can control and things you can’t. Don’t fool yourself. And don’t attempt to fool God either, remember:

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”
~ Galatians 6:7, NKJV

The Takeaway

Look, after all that 19-year old in a camisole, and honeysuckle, and dreams, you’re not stupid. You get the takeaway. I’m trying to keep a clear conscience here.

July 12, 2021
Don’t Speculate—Just Admit You Don’t Know

Photo by Chris Ainsworth on Unsplash

# 64 on my, 99 Life Tips–A List is: The wise know that they do not know, are not afraid to admit that they do not know, are wiser for this, and remain undeterred in the effort to know.

I would reduce this tip to Don’t Speculate!… but the meaning is not exactly the same. Socrates is famous for being wise. Just as famously he did not boast of it. One of the hallmarks of the wise is their willingness to lean in to their own ignorance. The foolish and simple-minded are certain…and almost certainly wrong as a result.

When you don’t know something (which is often, right?), don’t try to fill in the gaps with guesses, wishes, and hopes. Just admit you don’t know. Speculations won’t get you any closer to factual knowledge and may lead you further astray. Just carefully approach the unknowns armed with what you do know.

Back to Socrates for a sec. The method named after him, The Socratic Method, is a question-and-answer style approach to truth detection. Philosopher types refer to this style by the fancy-schmancy name–dialectic. This technical sounding word just means questions and answers between two viewpoints. In the method, the questions are as important as the answers. The questions clarify ideas as they get more and more focused on the essential knowledge sought.

A follower of this approach learns that defining terms is important. Thus, the method seeks to categorize, catalogue and capture truth in words. This is useful, though one of my favorite words is ineffable, which means, literally, “too great or extreme to be expressed in words.”

Ineffable experiences and truths are my personal favorites, but that’s a topic for another day. Admittedly, truths that resist definition, resist dissemination as well.

For a deeper dive on the topic, written in a very approachable format, read the late Robert Pirsig’s iconic Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

Returning to the tip at hand, and especially when trying to make a decision, keep in mind what you know, what you don’t know, and what you need to know. The last is the most important point. It bears repeating. Ask yourself what you need to know in order to make the best decision.

When you’ve determined what you need to know don’t rely on your own speculations to fill in the answers. If you need to know what someone else thinks in order to make the most informed decision, ask them. Don’t just guess.

Now, to wrap this one up with a huge caveat. Lazy, uncaring, ignorance isn’t a trait you want. There is no famous philosopher named Mediocrates. There is nothing admirable about wallowing in the dark.

When in doubt, be wise–or at least act wise. Don’t speculate, just admit that you don’t know.

June 27, 2021
Don’t Be a Head Hanger–Lift Up Your Eyes

If you ever get a chance to lift up your eyes to the Grand Tetons I hope you’re as blown away as I was (Unsplash image by Toan Chu)

# 13 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: In keeping with the above, lift your eyes throughout the day to change your focal point, especially when outdoors. Americans, especially, are ”head hangers” habitually looking a yard or two in front of our feet. We even do this indoors, looking at the flooring. Look up. You’ll thank me.

My uncle taught me this. He pointed it out to me when I was working for him and learning carpentry. Doing a job for a client that wanted us to install 7-pc crown molding in a 20 foot foyer, he remarked that they were wasting their money. When I asked why he said, ”Americans are head hangers.”

He had been raised in Great Britain, and had traveled extensively overseas, including a stint in Vietnam. I figured he knew was he was talking about though it didn’t keep us from taking the job.

I began observing people. My observations confirmed my uncle’s assertion. It was especially obvious, when I watched people enter a new space. And this was apparent whether people walked into a residence, or into a commercial or religious building. Americans gaze downwards more than upwards.

Maybe it’s our colonial, puritanical beginnings. There are no real castles or cathedrals marking our national architectural aesthetic.

Maybe it’s purely evolutionary. Man has never faced too many predators from above. Who knows?

Now, that’s fine if you’re hiking, making sure not to twist an ankle, but it could cause you to miss out on a lot of unexpected Beauty that is above eye level. And that would be a shame because unexpected Beauty is one of the greatest sources of Gratitude and the resultant increase in happiness and overall mental health. So, do yourself a favor and make the effort to look up.

Now, if you prefer your life tips with a moral. Consider Psalm 121:1-2

”I lift my eyes up, to the mountains, where does my help come from? (some translations are affirmative, and render the last clause, ”from whence comes my help.”)
My help comes from You. Maker of Heaven. Creator of the Earth.”
Psalm 121:1-2

Notice: The Psalmist does not look down in helpless despair. Neither does he look around for help, knowing assistance from peers on his plane won’t suffice. For help, he looks up. He looks to the Mountains, to the Heavens, and to their and his Maker.

June 17, 2021
Don’t Just Give Advice, Give A New Way To Think About The Problem

# 20 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: When asked for advice, rather than giving the inquirer a solution to their problem, give him a new way to think about his problem.

The corollary to this tip is, Do Not Give Advice Unless Asked. Unsolicited advice makes the adviser feel good about himself but seldom gives any assistance to the hearer, since they were not in the market for it. I am most successful wearing my sage hat when I wait to be asked before indiscriminately imparting the profundity of my wisdom. Especially when I preface my own advice by tying to provide a new way to think about the problem. This seems to be better than the standard, ”Well, if I was in your shoes…” approach.

There is a fancy word for problem solving systems. The word is heuristic(s). We all employ them. Some methodologies are more useful than others. Some mental shortcuts are more harmful than helpful, being little more than thinly veiled cognitive biases. I have written before about a particular bias called the Availability Heuristic. Regardless of your particular way of solving problems, here is a variation of quote attributed to Einstein:

”One will never solve a problem by thinking in the same plain in which the problem was conceived.”

Or put more simply, this:

Solving problems requires a new way of thinking. Sometimes the old way is the cause. This from brainyquotes captures the idea pretty well.

In order to give someone a new way to think about a problem, you must first determine how they are currently thinking about it. Ask questions, get responses. Keep probing. Often, this process is helpful in itself. Allowing a person to think through and voice their own views may uncover areas of speculation, or error, or confusion.

Taking this approach provides the chance at self-discovery for the one with the problem. And I wish I had a dollar for every time some entrenched internal narrative has been the crux of the matter anyway. Poor thinking in will always equal poor thinking out. Your job is to help change the thinking patterns.

Oftentimes we can’t see the solutions to our problems because we’re just too close to them. Our vision is obscured the way a person’s vision of the sun is blocked if he holds his hand too close to his eyes. Rationality diminishes in direct proportion to the engagement the emotions. Throw in stress, and cognitive function rapidly diminishes.

This is why finding a new way to think about the problem often requires a sympathetic, objective adviser. That’s you. If you can resist providing a quick fix long enough to be an empathetic sounding board, you might give the other person not only your solution for this one problem, but a new way to approach all future problems as well.

May 17, 2021
99 Life Tips – A List
I keep a running list of life tips. Here are 99 Life Tips.

Some of these need amplification, clarification, or general unpacking and I will turn them into their own posts and link them. As with all such advisory tips, no matter from what quarter, your mileage may vary. Without further ado:
1. Show up. This is 90% of a job, a relationship, parenting, you name it. Be present.
2. Do not ignore your discontent. Identify and embrace it.
3. Own it when you’re wrong. Accepting fault that is yours is the hallmark of character, maturity, and humanity.
4. Learn to apologize well – that includes not just what you did, but also how what you did made the other person feel.
5. Practice your strengths.
6. Know your imperfections – You won’t get over them or get past them, you’ll drag them with you through life. You must learn where they live and what brings them out of the dark corners ready to embarrass the hell out of you if you let them escape.
7. If you’re a guy, hold doors open for women. For that matter, if you arrive at door first, hold doors open for anyone. This way, if you meet the rare woman offended by your offering, you can explain, ”Hey, I hold doors open for anyone when I get to the door first.”
8. If you’re a guy, open car doors for your date, girlfriend, wife, lover. It’s a small way to say, ”I’m aware of how lucky I am to have you in my life at this moment in time, and this is a simple way I can show it.”
9. Be kind to waiters, waitresses, and service personnel. By kind, I mean, tip well. They are human beings doing a tough job. If you’re comfortable with it, ask for a first name, I do.
10. Do not waste emotional energy over anything you cannot control. This does not apply to sadness or grief over tragedy or loss.
11. Do not be afraid of feeling bad. There are things to feel bad about, and the contrast is a wonderful reminder of why gratitude is so important.
12. Gratitude works its magic in the moment you become aware of something for which to be thankful. The more aware you become, the more the magic of gratitude will follow you throughout your day. It doesn’t work the same when practiced as a generalized, “I’m thankful for my life.” No, gratitude works best and strongest within the context of contemporaneous specificity.
13. In keeping with the above, lift your eyes throughout the day to change your focal point, especially when outdoors. Americans, especially, are ”head hangers” habitually looking a yard or two in front of our feet. We even do this indoors, looking at the flooring. Look up. You’ll thank me.
14. Drink coffee fresh. Preferably within 20 minutes after brewing. A brewmaster once told me that after 20 minutes, coffee’s chemistry changes, turning it into something else. As an addendum to this tip: don’t serve old coffee to a guest in your home. Make a fresh pot, or offer them something else.
15. Buy yourself a good burr coffee grinder when you can afford one. This is the one I’ve used for 20+ years. Use whole beans. You’re welcome.
16. Realize what it is you’re trying to buy when you spend money. The higher the expenditure the more this is necessary.
17. Read for the sheer joy of it. If you cannot read due to time constraints, look for time leaks to plug so you can make time to read. If you still cannot get the time to sit with a book or good magazine, listen to audiobooks at every available moment: when walking, when commuting or on a drive of any distance.
18. ”Try to learn something new every day,” is often included on lists like this. Instead, try not to. By trying not to, you’ll become aware of how much you learn everyday without even trying, you just have to be awake enough to catch it.
19. Anger will not achieve the result you want. If you’re angry, keep your mouth shut.
20. When asked for advice, rather than giving the inquirer a solution to their problem, give him a new way to think about his problem.
21. Accept life as it shows you it is, not as you wish it was, or as you want it to be. The same goes for people.
22. Problems, mistakes, and shortcomings are your friends. How else will you know what to work on so you can grow into a better, more complete version of you?
23. Music bypasses your thoughts to affect your emotions directly. It is unique among art forms for this quality as far as I’ve discovered. Take care then, what you are inviting to stir your emotions.
24. Reading about something is not the same as doing something. Reading a story about Paris is not the same as actually visiting Paris. This applies to every aspect of reading. As valuable as it is, it is no substitute for actual experience.
25. Never pay for top shelf liquor in a mixed drink. You’re only going to taste the mix anyway. Use house (well) liquor for any mixed drink.
26. Tequila can be sipped, savored, and enjoyed like a fine scotch or bourbon if you get an anéjo. Save the blancos and reposados for mixing.
27. If you know you’re going to enjoy a night of drinking, have a cup of milk an hour or two before you start.
28. Become an early riser… it’s the only possible chance you have to start the day being proactive and not reactive. If you start the day reactive (alarm>shower>commute>schedule>work>boss>Inbox), none of the day will feel like it was yours.
29. No amount of navel-gazing, self-reflection, or self-help is Spiritual. That is CBT.
30. Given the above premise, it follows that: Spirituality begins and ends by looking and remaining focused outside yourself.
31. Beware of the confidence that you know what is good for you.
32. The Bible is a menu describing a life that is available. Memorizing a menu won’t feed you.
33. The Bible, while true, if rightly understood in terms of scope and purpose, is not a science book, nor is it the sole repository of truth.
34. The love of God is like light from the Sun. If you turn your back on the Sun, the light will hit you in the back.
35. There is a Grand Canyon between you on your best day and Jesus on his worst. Being ”Christlike” is a fallacy. Genuine Christianity has never been about imitation or method acting.
36. No one would want what he truly deserves in life.
37. If practicable, learn to play a musical instrument, and stick with it. It makes demands on a different part of your brain, and the rewards for even simple repetitive actions like practicing scales are zen-like.
38. The best time to pursue your artistic or creative dream is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.
39. Surround yourself with people with whom you can be authentic and still be accepted and loved.
40. You most certainly can choose your family. See above.
41. Limit your exposure to people who wouldn’t like your authentic self.
42. Learn to differentiate quickly between acute and chronic problems, and the strategies for dealing with both.
43. Learn to listen,…no, really listen. You want to be able to summarize not just a list of facts the speaker is relaying, but how the person feels about those facts.
44. Allow everyone in your life to feel how they feel, they’re going to anyway. If you tell them they shouldn’t feel a certain way, you’re alienating yourself by your own emotional ignorance.
45. In the face of negative emotions, go as granular as you can to analyze and identify exactly what it is you’re feeling. Generalities like, ”I’m just sad,” won’t work.
46. When another person comes to you with negative emotions, acknowledge how they feel. Tell them you understand why they feel that way given the way they see it. Then, help them with the above.
47. All emotions are valid. All responses are not. Borrowed from John Gottman.
48. Emotions cannot be directly controlled by the will. Try to be scared now. You have to first think of something scary, right? All emotions are this way. They are the fruit of your thoughts.
49. To change how you feel, you must either change how, or what, you’re thinking.
50. Get outdoors and move every day that weather permits. It’s likely you won’t always be able to. Don’t take this for granted.
51. Treat people as if their interests are exactly as important as yours. They are. (But they are not more important.)
52. Invest in yourself without apology by reading, exploring, learning, exercising.
53. It is a trap to care too much what other people think about you. There are only 2 or 3 people who matter, and one of them is you.
54. The good opinion of some people is not worth having.
55. Conflicts are unavoidable. Sometimes the most moral stance possible is to engage.
56. If a Hitler-like figure shows up in your life, or in the world, do not be Switzerland.
57. Do not wash your hair more than 3 times per week. Aim for twice at most.
58. Do not treat the word or concept of Family as a sacred, magical word that justifies either inflicting, or suffering, emotional, mental, or physical abuse. A family, or family member like that is not worth being joined to.
59. Do not tolerate behavior in yourself that you would not support and respect in a friend.
60. You cannot solve any problem without having a clear picture of the solution in mind. Ask, ”what would it look like fixed?” borrowed from David Allen.
61. Know this about people: Everyone chooses what they prefer at all times from the menu of choices available to them.
62. Know this as well: Everyone’s ways are right in their own eyes, including yours.
63. Learn to preface statements with, ”I could be wrong,” as needed. Recognize how true this is.
64. The wise know that they do not know, are not afraid to admit that they do not know, are wiser for this, and remain undeterred in the effort to know.
65. You cannot trust your eyes for all that is real.
66. Logic is a useful scaffolding to climb the tower of truth, but it is not the tower, and will not necessarily result in what is true.
67. Do not take yourself too seriously. You aren’t the same you as you were at five, or perhaps at twenty-five. You are fluid and dynamic. The you of today may be gone tomorrow, just as a stormy, wind-tossed ocean may tomorrow be as smooth as glass.
68. All salesmen are selling. They are a part of the experience you are buying. If you don’t like the salesman, don’t buy the experience he is part of.
69. A college education is a useful context for exposure to knowledge you may not be familiar with. As such, you may discover your cup of tea.
70. A college degree is unnecessary if; you have an innate, voracious appetite and capacity for knowledge, you also have the personality and skill to sell yourself to a prospective employer. Otherwise, a degree is proof that they can teach you and can stick to something long enough to be considered a credible candidate for employment.
71. Attempt to gain mastery at something, whether it be a topic or a skill.
72. Remember that anxiety is making payments of worry in the present for a future outcome that hasn’t occurred yet. There will be plenty of time to feel bad about that outcome when it arrives. 90% of the time, it won’t.
73. Happiness = Reality – Expectations.
74. Think less about how you feel and more about what you should do.
75. Living well involves extracting every positive thing of value from inevitable failures.
76. Use your intelligence to pursue Truth. Do not use your intelligence to produce misinformation.
77. When you discover Truth, accept it, adopt it, and act on it. This is the essence of wisdom.
78. Wisdom is also the application of the best means for the most valuable ends. See above.
79. Sequential thinking is a life-skill that must be practiced and mastered over a lifetime.
80. When contemplating a home, ask yourself, ”What kind of life do I see myself doing here?” Does the space match the anticipated activity?
81. Focus your attention and energy on making a life worth living, more than on making a living and hoping one day to match it to a worthwhile life. That day may never come.
82. Never ignore your conscience. It is the only internal compass you have to accuse or excuse your behavior. Ignore it at your peril.
83. Expectations are resentment waiting to happen. Under promise and over deliver. Rinse and repeat.
84. Don’t adopt every stray (thought, belief, person, animal, opportunity) that shows up in your life. Choose well.
85. Know why you like what you like. Learn to identify the feeling of liking something before you have the words to tell yourself you like it. That resonance, that connection, that is your home.
86. Hate is way too powerful an emotion to give to the people deserving of it. It attaches you to them the way love does. This is not a good thing.
87. There is nothing more magnificent in creation than a tree in a forest. I learned this way too late.
88. Develop trusted capture methods for things you need to remember. I use Siri, Reminders, Evernote, and OmniFocus (for projects)
89. Use a password manager for your online passwords. I use 1Password.
90. A good relationship is a good fit. The broken pieces and whole pieces interlock.
91. You are commanded to love your neighbor, not to trust him.
92. Respect a person (or not) based on a.) who they demonstrate they are. Respect authorities based on b.) what they can do to you. It is not required to respect the person in the uniform or office, refer to “a.” for that.
93. If you want to dance, you have to pay the piper.
94. As much as lies within you, be motivated by hope rather than by fear.
95. Learn when to explore and when to exploit. Know how to do both.
96. Do the hardest thing first. Move the heaviest thing first is like it. Always be working towards easier.
97. Do not borrow problems not yours to solve. Life will give you enough to do.
98. Parent so your kids seek your advice. If your kids ask your opinion, you have been a good parent.
99. You can learn everything you need to know in life from listening to the Grateful Dead…but you must also dance.
May 5, 2021