Greg Proffit Writing

Tag: self-improvement

A Life Worth Living Is The Point Of Making A Living—Even If You Row… Go For It!

Photo by SOULSANA on Unsplash

# 81 on my 99 Life Tips–A List is: Focus your attention and energy on making a life worth living, more than on making a living and hoping one day to match it to a worthwhile life. That day may never come.

Making a living isn’t that exciting if it just means you’re keeping yourself alive and afloat to—make a living. Instead, focus attention on making a life. One worth living. Making a life worth living is the point of making a living. Right?

How do you know if you have?

Ask

Ask yourself, is this the life I want to be living?

Answer honestly.

Hopefully, there are elements in your life that you enjoy, that you want to be there, and that you would miss if they were gone. Cherish, protect, and be grateful for those.

Other elements need to go. Period. You know it. You’ve known it for a while.

You know them when you lie down at night and scan the inventory of your life and wonder how you got here, what you’re doing in this job, or with that person, or with these persistent, chronic issues arising from so-called friends, or family members that are family in name only.

And these certainly aren’t the only things that may need to go for you to have the life you actually want.

One thing is certain, you’ll never arrive there—if you don’t leave here.

You cannot know for certain that you’ll arrive at your desired, imagined, dream life. You can’t be certain of the destination.

But you can be certain of the launching pad. You can know where you’re leaving from.

Row if you must, but go for it

Lyrics from 2 songs by the only band that matters, the Grateful Dead, apply here.

The first is from Row Jimmy:

“And I say row, Jimmy row
Gonna get there?
I don’t know
Seems a common way to go
Get down, row, row, row
Row, row”

The second, from Saint of Circumstance, is like it:

“Well, I sure don’t know
What I’m goin’ for
But I’m gonna go for it,
That’s for sure. “

You have one shot at this life, folks. One shot. And God, it’s a blink. A vapor that passes.

I especially like pacing suggested by the chorus from Row Jimmy. It’s not Speedboat Jimmy. Nor is it Rocketship Jimmy. It’s Row Jimmy. Sometimes making a change can take time. It takes effort. The pace can feel slow, like a rowboat.

The second song verse from Saint of Circumstance suggests that the decision to commit to a change can be instant and persistent. You may not know where you’re gonna go. You may have to row to get there. So it may take some time, but making a life worth living is what you’re gonna go for.

There and back again

At 19, I traveled all the way across country and back having left home with a $20 bill. I didn’t know how hard it would be to make that trip again, or how long it would take me to do it. I didn’t know the full value of what I was seeing. The places I went were amazing, but I wasn’t as mindful as I’d be now. I was grateful, but not as appreciative as I’ll be the next time. I hope like hell to go across country by car again, but that day may never come.

There will never be a good time to do it. Other considerations, other obligations, other clamoring, clutching things will seem to matter and weave an illusory web of importance to keep me stuck if I let them.

There will never be a good time. If I do it again, there will only be departure time.

Lastly

You will face your own sticky web that is keeping you stuck in a life that is not the one you ever envisioned. Free yourself to live your best life.

I’m not advocating being irresponsible. I’m advocating taking responsibility for your own misery as the only path towards taking responsibility for your own happiness—and go for it. For sure.

July 11, 2021
How You Feel Matters Less Than What You Do—Refocus Your Attention For Better Results

(Adobe Stock Image: Licensed to Author)

# 74 on my, 99 Life Tips–A List is: Think less about how you feel and more about what you should do.

The people I know who spend the most time analyzing how they feel consistently feel the worst. I may confuse correlation with causation, a common problem, but the predictability of this outcome led to the tip above.

For consistently better feelings, how you feel matters less than what you do. If you will refocus your attention, you’ll feel better,… and be more productive, to boot.

I’m on a sometimes weight loss (sometimes weight gain) regimen known by its common name as a “diet”. To track progress, I stand on a scale hoping it doesn’t chuckle and say, “One at a time, please.” I can see the number. It is measurable, serving as an indicator of whether I can afford to drink a beer.

There is no empirical scale for emotional states

Seriously though, emotional states don’t work that way. There is no objective, empirical scale.

Asking someone whose emotional states fluctuate dangerously how they feel on a subjective 5-point scale is the equivalent of asking an obviously drunk person if they’re drunk, and what they think they’d blow. Chances are high you will not get an accurate answer.

Maybe I’m different, but whenever asked to pick from three emoticon faces ranging from sad—to neutral—to happy, nine times out of ten, I’m neutral. I seldom think about how I feel.

When I feel good, I just enjoy it. It doesn’t occur to me to stop and evaluate whether I’m at a 3.5 or 4. If I feel bad; I figure out why, what I’m thinking, what it would look like fixed, and what I can do about it. I don’t ponder whether I’m feeling a dismal 1 or perhaps as high as a 2. Degree is irrelevant.

If you get stuck here, analyzing and cataloguing your feelings, you may wish to reconsider. How effective is it? What does your subjective answer about your subjective feelings tell you except in the most general terms?

It is important to know how things make you feel so that you can do something to either recreate them or eliminate them. The action you take is the key thing.

I’ve written about the relationship between emotions and thoughts, so this is where I start when I feel bad. My thinking is the usual culprit. I don’t start by figuring out how bad I feel. I don’t press on my emotions like I do bruises. If I feel bad at all, that’s bad enough to take action.

You most definitely figure out what you’re feeling so you can act accordingly. What you feel and how much you feel are different. Yes, figure out what you’re feeling; think less about how you’re feeling, and figure out what you should do.

Because ultimately, how you feel matters less than what you do.

July 5, 2021
Do You Negotiate Against Yourself?—How Often Do You Win?

Photo by Štefan Štefančík on Unsplash

Do you negotiate against yourself a lot? A part of you knows there are things you should or shouldn’t do, but another part bargains against those choices. This may be true for everyone.

The negotiating you do with yourself determines your results.

120 days ago my forward-thinking CEO self-negotiated a deal with my lazy, afraid, excuse-making employee self. My CEO got the employee to agree to a 30 in 30 challenge. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a simple idea in which you write and publish 30 micro-blog posts in 30 days.

CEO me got unreliable employee me to agree. To be fair, writing as a calling and vocation have been so important to both my CEO and employee selves that the fear of failure made it easier to shelve it, never do it at all, than try it—fail—and suffer irredeemable humiliation.

But there was a thick layer of dust on the plan to One Day Maybe become a writer… I’m talking years thick. Covid fallout impacted my usual source of income, freeing time for my CEO self to jolt the procrastinating employee into action.

“There’s time, now. That excuse is dead!”

I found my login credentials for my long dormant blog, started spitting out some drivel that at least got my fingers limbered up and got the ball rolling.

But it was sporadic. I didn’t get discovered after 3 days of blogging brilliance, and the employee self, doggedly pessimistic in the face of my CEO self’s aggressive optimism, was nearly ready to shut it down again.

Along came the 30 in 30 challenge

“Come on, dude. 30 250 word micro stories? Even you can do that. Tell ya what, when you’re finished each day, you can even have a bourbon and pretend you’re Hemingway.”

“Sold!” agreed my novice-writer self. “You supply the bourbon and I’ll do 30 days.”

Major negotiation completed, the challenge began that day. There was no more negotiating “IF” I was writing, only when, and about what.

That was 120 days ago. I haven’t missed a day. Once I’d knocked down the original 30 days, it set the habit. I’m hooked, and I’m a writer now. My CEO self and employee self are nearly always on the same page… terrible pun intended. The employee writer still needs a haircut, but the CEO lets him write in Grateful Dead t-shirts so everything’s chill.

So, friends with any kind of big negotiations you’ve struggled with for too long—cut a deal! Decide to do it. Take the “IF” part of the bargaining off the table. Get rolling and don’t look back! Oh yeah,… don’t forget the haircut.

Subscribe to follow me to see all my posts on Medium. You can also find my writing at gregproffit.com. Check out my 99 Life Tips—A List.

July 5, 2021
Gain Mastery—For All My Philosopher Friends, Both of You

Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash

# 71 on my 99 Life Tips–A List is: Attempt to gain mastery at something, whether it be a topic or a skill.

Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers, asserts that it takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to achieve world class mastery in a field. A new study debunks that idea, but it doesn’t negate the importance of striving for mastery. Whether it’s 10K hours or half that, mastering a subject, topic, area of interest, or skill, is valuable as both a means and as an end. So, attempt to gain mastery at something.

My journey hasn’t been so focused. I’ve adopted the shotgun approach to both interests and career paths. I rationalize it by claiming to be cut out of philosopher cloth. The truth is probably closer to an ADHD diagnosis. Regardless, I am heeding my own advice; I am going to master writing as both craft and career, and guitar as both hobby and personal therapy method.

I can summarize almost all counsel for burgeoning writers in the phrase, “write what you know.” That’s fine. I mean, who would want to read non-sense from someone who doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about? But a problem with this is that the other universal piece of writing advice which usually couples with the first in short order is, “be the first voice people think of in your niche.”

A niche, you say?

It’s that second part that is worrisome. Being a philosopher is fine, but it’s niche-averse. Having wide-ranging interests and even having some familiarity and expertise in a variety of disciplines is fun, exciting, and wards off boredom and monotony, but it’s not the recipe for mastering a niche.

The downside of niche-less-ness is amplified when you feel compelled to add your voice to a wide variety of topics. Where are my talking points, anyway? There’s a tendency to live off-script, which is sometimes more fun for you than the people around you.

So, the attempt to gain mastery at something specific is worth the effort. It serves as a focal point, is measurable, gains are scalable, and can become exponential. What is difficult, requiring intense concentration and concerted energy in the beginning, can become second nature, autonomic, and fluid as mastery increases.

It’s the first steps of the mastery journey that are all uphill. But those first steps are worth lacing up the hiking boots in anticipation of the gains along the path and the rewards at journey’s end.

Besides, someday someone may come looking to you for Japanese steel only you can produce, regardless of your sushi-chef disguise. You wouldn’t want to let them down.

July 3, 2021
Everyone’s Ways Are Right In Their Own Eyes

This Charleston Alley seems like the right way…it sure is beautiful. (Photo by Beth Hughes, used by permission)

# 62 on my, 99 Life Tips—A List is: Know this as well: Everyone’s ways are right in their own eyes, including yours.

Most of the inspiration for this tip comes from the Old Testament, with maybe a little from the Grateful Dead.

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts.”
~Proverbs 21:2

This proverb reinforces the fact we all do what we prefer. Preferences yield choices, which produce behaviors. These habitual acts become our way of life. But our preferences come from a deeper well–the sense that what we prefer is right.

Let’s say this rings true and you believe me. Now what? Are you supposed to excavate every action–performing psychological archaeology–to uncover the latent impulses that inform your every preference? Damn, that’s exhausting just to type. Imagine how much you’d have to live in your head to do that for every decision?

Yet, this describes so much of what makes up the advice found in self-help books. And even at the professional, clinical level, there’s a lot of retrograde motion attempting to uncover the why’s of behavior. That’s the rub of typical therapy or psychoanalysis once you strip away the jargon.

What if we could agree on some basic assumptions?

1- Our nature as humans is to pursue self interest until we meet an obstacle.

2- Our actions conform to this nature.

3- We do what we do and live how we live because it seems to be the right way to fulfill self interest.

4- We continue on this course until or unless something larger than self interest replaces it as our primary motive. (which is tricky because this becomes our new self interest, though perhaps not for selfish reasons)

See? Simple. Where should I send my bill?

The ancient proverb cited above tells the why’s. But if you don’t like that font of wisdom, might I interest you in some Grateful Dead?

“Sometimes we live no particular way but our own
And sometimes we visit your country and live in your home
Sometimes we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone
Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own.”
~Grateful Dead: Eyes Of The World
(Songwriters: Jerome J. Garcia / Robert C. Hunter)

We live the way we do for reasons that seem right. I’ve never woken up and thought, I’m going to live all wrong today. Have you? Even when we do something we know is wrong, we rationalize it to make it right. (Interesting word, rationalize, the practice of torturing reason to turn something wrong into something right so you can avoid feeling bad about it.)

But enough digression. When you see me, it is safe to assume I’m doing what is right in my own eyes. I’m going to assume that about you. The trick is to assume it about yourself.

June 19, 2021