Greg Proffit Writing

Tag: self-knowledge

  • Don’t Speculate—Just Admit You Don’t Know

    Don’t Speculate—Just Admit You Don’t Know

    just admit you don’t know
    Photo by Chris Ainsworth on Unsplash

    # 64 on my, 99 Life Tips–A List is: The wise know that they do not know, are not afraid to admit that they do not know, are wiser for this, and remain undeterred in the effort to know.

    I would reduce this tip to Don’t Speculate!… but the meaning is not exactly the same. Socrates is famous for being wise. Just as famously he did not boast of it. One of the hallmarks of the wise is their willingness to lean in to their own ignorance. The foolish and simple-minded are certain…and almost certainly wrong as a result.

    When you don’t know something (which is often, right?), don’t try to fill in the gaps with guesses, wishes, and hopes. Just admit you don’t know. Speculations won’t get you any closer to factual knowledge and may lead you further astray. Just carefully approach the unknowns armed with what you do know. 

    Back to Socrates for a sec. The method named after him, The Socratic Method, is a question-and-answer style approach to truth detection. Philosopher types refer to this style by the fancy-schmancy name–dialectic. This technical sounding word just means questions and answers between two viewpoints. In the method, the questions are as important as the answers. The questions clarify ideas as they get more and more focused on the essential knowledge sought.

    A follower of this approach learns that defining terms is important. Thus, the method seeks to categorize, catalogue and capture truth in words. This is useful, though one of my favorite words is ineffable, which means, literally, “too great or extreme to be expressed in words.” 

    Ineffable experiences and truths are my personal favorites, but that’s a topic for another day. Admittedly, truths that resist definition, resist dissemination as well.

    For a deeper dive on the topic, written in a very approachable format, read the late Robert Pirsig’s iconic Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

    Returning to the tip at hand, and especially when trying to make a decision, keep in mind what you know, what you don’t know, and what you need to know. The last is the most important point. It bears repeating. Ask yourself what you need to know in order to make the best decision. 

    When you’ve determined what you need to know don’t rely on your own speculations to fill in the answers. If you need to know what someone else thinks in order to make the most informed decision, ask them. Don’t just guess. 

    Now, to wrap this one up with a huge caveat. Lazy, uncaring, ignorance isn’t a trait you want. There is no famous philosopher named Mediocrates. There is nothing admirable about wallowing in the dark.

    When in doubt, be wise–or at least act wise. Don’t speculate, just admit that you don’t know.

  • You Could Be Wrong

    You Could Be Wrong

    You could be wrong
    Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

    # 63 on my, 99 Life Tips–A List is: Learn to preface statements with, “I could be wrong,” as needed. Recognize how true this is.

    I’ve written previous pieces on preference and on being right in your own eyes exploring the idea expressed in this piece. Yes, you choose what you prefer. You also feel right in your own eyes when you do so. But… you could be wrong. 

    This truth about the potential for error applies not solely to actions, but applies to opinions and beliefs as well. It is important to keep open the possibility that you could be wrong.

    I count as among my most helpful moments in life, two disasters when, to my horror and shame, I was wrong about everything. I don’t know if there is a sage adage that you learn more from failure than from success, but if there isn’t, there should be.

    The first such moment was learning how wrong I was—living independently from God.

    That was a Big one.

    The second was learning how wrong I was to build a life around an unfaithful woman in the naïve belief that it would last forever because we’d stood in front of the aforementioned God, and a bunch of people, declaring that it would.

    Never trust anyone without a limp

    Both these instances pulled the rug out from under me in the most marvelous way. And they’ve left me with a limp. Remind me sometime to tell you my story about Jacob wrestling with the Angel. 

    That limp is internal. It’s the constant reminder to be vigilant not to put confidence in myself as an accurate predictor of my accuracy.

    And let me just say here in my piece about the need to admit to yourself that you could be wrong… I could be wrong.

    I don’t feel any need to set myself up as a guru or ultimate authority, even on matters I know a lot about. That flies in the face of conventional wisdom, especially for writers like me who produce lots of so-called “life advice” stuff. We’re supposed to own our niche, and position ourselves as THE VOICE, or the expert, or some other non-sense. Hmmm… I wonder if GregTheOracle dot com is available???

    When I read someone like that, I discount 95% of it, and laugh at the other 5%. Seriously. 

    Look, confidence is great to have. If you need some, be confident in this. You could be wrong.

  • Everyone’s Ways Are Right In Their Own Eyes

    Everyone’s Ways Are Right In Their Own Eyes

    Everyone's ways are right in their own eyes - even this beautiful alley in Charleston, SC
    This Charleston Alley seems like the right way…it sure is beautiful. (Photo by Beth Hughes, used by permission)

    # 62 on my, 99 Life Tips—A List is: Know this as well: Everyone’s ways are right in their own eyes, including yours.

    Most of the inspiration for this tip comes from the Old Testament, with maybe a little from the Grateful Dead.

    “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts.”

    ~Proverbs 21:2

    This proverb reinforces the fact we all do what we prefer. Preferences yield choices, which produce behaviors. These habitual acts become our way of life. But our preferences come from a deeper well–the sense that what we prefer is right. 

    Let’s say this rings true and you believe me. Now what? Are you supposed to excavate every action–performing psychological archaeology–to uncover the latent impulses that inform your every preference? Damn, that’s exhausting just to type. Imagine how much you’d have to live in your head to do that for every decision?

    Yet, this describes so much of what makes up the advice found in self-help books. And even at the professional, clinical level, there’s a lot of retrograde motion attempting to uncover the why’s of behavior. That’s the rub of typical therapy or psychoanalysis once you strip away the jargon.

    What if we could agree on some basic assumptions?

    1- Our nature as humans is to pursue self interest until we meet an obstacle.

    2- Our actions conform to this nature. 

    3- We do what we do and live how we live because it seems to be the right way to fulfill self interest.

    4- We continue on this course until or unless something larger than self interest replaces it as our primary motive. (which is tricky because this becomes our new self interest, though perhaps not for selfish reasons)

    See? Simple. Where should I send my bill? 

    The ancient proverb cited above tells the why’s. But if you don’t like that font of wisdom, might I interest you in some Grateful Dead?

    “Sometimes we live no particular way but our own

    And sometimes we visit your country and live in your home

    Sometimes we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone

    Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own.”

    ~Grateful Dead: Eyes Of The World
    (Songwriters: Jerome J. Garcia / Robert C. Hunter)

    We live the way we do for reasons that seem right. I’ve never woken up and thought, I’m going to live all wrong today. Have you? Even when we do something we know is wrong, we rationalize it to make it right. (Interesting word, rationalize, the practice of torturing reason to turn something wrong into something right so you can avoid feeling bad about it.)

    But enough digression. When you see me, it is safe to assume I’m doing what is right in my own eyes. I’m going to assume that about you. The trick is to assume it about yourself. 

  • Do Not Ignore Your Discontent – You Never Know What Pearl Awaits

    Do Not Ignore Your Discontent – You Never Know What Pearl Awaits

    pearl in shell demonstrates the principle that beauty can result from irritating discontent
    This pearl began with an irritant. What kind of beauty can your discontent produce? (Adobe Image licensed to author)

    #2 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: Do Not Ignore Your Discontent. Identify and Embrace It.

    The importance of this cannot be overstated, because the springboard of all motivation is discontentment. No one who is at perfect, nirvana-like, blissed-out peace, is motivated to do anything. Toward what end? Blissed out peace is the end of the journey. Discontent is the impulse needed to begin the journey. It is the grain of sand in the oyster that can turn into a pearl once identified, worked on, and transformed.

    Your particular feelings of unease and dissatisfaction are unique to you. So, do not ignore your discontent. The irritants are signals, prompts, pressures, and triggers towards meaningful change. So, whatever that thing is that is bugging you: sit with it, analyze it, dig deeply into what is really bothering you. For your own sake, don’t attempt to drown your discontent with drugs, drink, or distraction, either. The disquiet might be temporarily numbed, but it won’t go anywhere by that method. 

    On the other hand, a full embrace and acknowledgement of the gnawing unease is your doorway to peace of mind. The process of discovering exactly what is bothering you, and why, will give you self-knowledge that is at least as valuable as the knowledge of what makes you happy. And it will give you a ready made boundary to keep it out of your life for good. Embrace your discontent and work on it, this is where true beauty comes from.

  • How Well Do You Know Yourself & What’s Your Claim To Fame?

    You are the star of your own movie – The Marquee is waiting for you to fill it in

    I filled out an application for a freelance writing gig today. The application asked me to –  ”Tell us something about yourself.” I typed some words to fit the required response and moved on. Hours later, I’m thinking about that. One of the most difficult things in life is to keep an authentic answer to that question at the ready. That seems a shame to me. The ability to tell someone about yourself hinges first of all on what you tell yourself…about yourself.

    My uncle used to ask a question of people I introduced to him for the first time, ”What’s your claim to fame?”

    This would have been off-putting had he not asked it so nonchalantly, and with an inviting smile on his face that suggested he wanted nothing more than to listen to your life story. Most of my teen-aged friends mumbled a lot of ”Uh’s”, and ”I don’t knows.” It would be nice to think any of us could offer more than teen-aged mumbles to that question, if asked today, but could you? How comfortable would you be to ”tell me something about yourself.”

    I typed out a few words on the application the same way I answer the question, ”How are you today?” I didn’t even stop to think about sincerity. I typed what I thought the questioner probably wanted to hear. Not too much. Not too deep. Nothing controversial. I am committed to the idea of a fluid concept of self, with a guarded reserve of core beliefs and values that make me, me. But, I didn’t figure they needed my philosophy on perpetual change and personal growth in the space of a tweet.

    Yet, considering these things, and my off-hand response on the application, here I am, hours later, still thinking about how important that question really is. 

    What can you really tell someone else about yourself? What is the minimum amount of information you can share that will still reveal the true you? Not just what you do. Not just what your achievements are? But who you are. Your claim to fame. 

    How would you answer that question to yourself?

    I believe the answer to that starts with what you tell yourself about yourself. Is the narrator living in your head kind, or harsh?  Do you entertain internal false pretenses about what kind of person you really are? Do you feel compelled to present an illusion of a person that doesn’t really exist, trying to either please or fool others, while maybe just fooling yourself?

    There’s a verse in scripture that asserts, ”As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

    I have no reason to doubt it. How could it be otherwise? You cannot be different than what you really think you are. You are not who you pretend to be to other people, or Facebook friends. You’re the you that you have to try to go to sleep with every night. And just who is that?

    Not every situation calls for an in-depth dissertation, obviously, But knowing yourself is fundamental to a life lived well. If you don’t know who you are, what your ”claim to fame” is, then who is the person doing the living? You get to play the role in life you choose to play. You get to star in your own movie, in a role no one else can possibly play the way you can. That’s way more exciting and fulfilling than trying to be someone else.

    That same uncle had a little wooden plaque in his guest bathroom that read:

    Be what you is

    Cause if you be what you ain’t

    Then you ain’t what you is.

    Note: Here is a good book that delves deeper into some of these thoughts.