Greg Proffit Writing

Tag: 99tips

No Amount of Navel Gazing Will Make You Spiritual

This butterfly has completed metamorphosis. Beautiful, huh?

# 29 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: No amount of navel-gazing, self-reflection, or self-help is Spiritual. That is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

Let’s begin with a few simple definitions so we can understand each other. That’s tongue-in-cheek because there is actually little agreement about what constitutes spirituality. I use the term spiritual to refer to those realities that are nonmaterial, bodiless, and having no measurable physical substance. I also use the term to refer to those resources, energies, or powers that do not derive from human sources. This is the key point. Navel gazing in the form of self effort cannot generate spiritual life or spirituality. If one wishes to become spiritual, and derive the benefits, one must look outward, and receive spiritual life from outside oneself.

We humans have a spirit (in the same way we have a mind and a body) and can certainly become spiritual, but the purpose of the spirit is to apprehend the spiritual world, in the same way the purpose of the senses is to apprehend the physical world. Similarly, the purpose of the mind (not to say ”brain”) is to engage in the immaterial, unseen world of reason, emotion, and will.

Like communicates with like

By design, the parts and functions we enjoy and employ communicate and interact within their own respective spheres. Minds communicate with minds. Bodies with bodies, And, likewise, spirit with Spirit. Like always communicates with like. Therefore, one cannot become more spiritual by looking inward, by any physical exercise or activity whatsoever, or by a heightened awareness of mental processes, or emotional states.

If you accept those statements, it becomes evident that one cannot become spiritual by looking within. For one, with what instrument does one look? With the mind of course, not with the eye or the visual interpretive functions of the brain. And second, what is the object of observation? If it is merely mind observing mind, then once again, we’ve aimed at the wrong target and unfortunately, hit it. Where is one to find Spirituality, if not within?

If not within oneself, where is Spirituality to be found?

No, true spirituality is found outside ourselves. One becomes spiritual by contemplation and meditative focus on another Source, another Power, altogether.

Belonging to the Christian tradition, I find the answer in this verse:

”But we all, with unveiled faces, looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”
~2 Cor. 3:18

This verse declares that it is by looking at the glory of the Lord, that one is transformed into that same image by the Spirit of the Lord.

This transformation (which in greek literally means metamorphosis) does not happen by looking at oneself. It does not happen by focusing either on one’s successes or failures. Nor does it come about by self-diagnosis, self-help, or self-effort. No amount of navel gazing will make you spiritual. A spiritual life comes by a persistent gazing upon the perfections and glories of Jesus Christ himself.

And where does one see these glories? Scripture presents a view that is the equivalent of looking in a mirror. The image in a mirror is not the thing itself, but only a replica. But in this case, the replica is sufficient to bring about spiritual change.

I hope this helps.

May 21, 2021
Accept Life As It Is, Not The Way You Wish It Was; or The Sunglasses of Perception

Eye vision test with sight chart – the chart is what it is

# 21 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: Accept life as it shows you it is, not as you wish it was, or as you want it to be. The same goes for people.

It’s possible some will read that tip, shrug, and think, ”No duh!” While others, myself included, will see that we resemble the remark, and try to act on it. While it is undoubtedly normal to put the best spin on life, some of us invest too much in the spin. If this is you, then let this be a reminder to accept life as it shows you it is. And also, accept people the way they show you they are, not as you want them to be.

Rather than try to enumerate all of the psychological reasons some people have difficulty with this, let’s stipulate that some simply do. You may be among that number. Assuming that’s the case, consider the following questions:

Is your experience of life the result of how you think life is; or do you think about life based on how life has shown itself to be to you?

Perception Is Reality

Few would admit they belong in the first camp. And yet, to some degree, we cannot experience anything differently than how we think prior to the actual experience. You bring your way of thinking about life to every life experience. This is commonly referred to as paradigm, which is nearly synonymous with perspective. The difference being that paradigm refers to the big picture ”model” of reality we mentally construct, while perspective refers to the small picture, individual, subjective point of view from which we observe the model and form beliefs about it. Together, these influence our perception of the world. And our perception is our functional reality. How could it be otherwise?

In this way we experience life like a person who perpetually wears sunglasses. The sunglasses filter everything. The filter modifies the reality of what is being looked at. Remove the sunglasses, and everything looks a little different. Change the filter and change the world.

This optician, with his charts and machines can help you see things in the physical world the way they are. You’ll have to do that for yourself in your mental world.

A patient in need of eyeglasses looks at a chart, or at images though a machine. The images are blurred. An adjustment is made. The images get worse. Another adjustment, and the images get better. They appear sharp, crisp, and in focus. In this scenario, do the actual images change at all? No…they are what they are. The patient would be foolish to see blurred images, wish they were clear, and declare them to be so because he wants them to be.

Reality Cataracts

A few years ago, I had cataract surgery for both eyes. Prior to the surgery, vision in my right eye had become so occluded that if I tilted my head a certain way, objects would disappear. I could make street signs, cars, and people disappear just by closing my left eye and tilting my head. Some people try to live this way. They try to make problems disappear by an inner tilting of their mind. But guess what? Just because you cannot or will not see something doesn’t mean it’s not there.

If your own paradigm, perspective, personality, perception, or personal hang-ups make it difficult to accept life as it shows you it is, then, like a person in need of an optometrist for corrective lenses, you probably need a new prescription. Or, like me you need an ophthalmologist for your eyes and your life. Tilting your head and pretending is not a long term solution.

And friends, not to be too heavy handed with the analogy, that’s us. Life and people are images on a chart. The chart does not change. The way you see the chart changes. Better to see the chart, and life as it shows you it is, not the way you wish it was.

Awareness Of The Susceptibility Helps You Look Twice

I wish there was a magic cure. If there is one, I haven’t found it. Knowing that I’m wearing my own sunglasses of perception, and that I cannot take them off, helps me to realize that I could be wrong. Knowing that I’ve had a past history of mistaking my glossed over version of reality from what was really on the chart, makes me wary. It makes me look twice. I don’t tilt my mind and hope the evidence will change. This healthy skepticism at least gives me the awareness that my own uncorrected filter tends to skew life towards the way I prefer it to be, not necessarily the way it is. This is an imperfection that I will likely always carry with me. So, my tip to accept life as it shows you it is…definitely applies to me. If it applies to you, get those eyes checked.

May 18, 2021
Now, Gratitude Is

Slow down, savor, appreciate, enjoy. Now, Gratitude is. (Adobe Stock Image licensed to Author)

# 12 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: Gratitude works its magic in the moment you become aware of something for which to be thankful. The more aware you become, the more the magic of gratitude will follow you throughout your day. It doesn’t work the same when practiced as a generalized, “I’m thankful for my life.” No, gratitude works best and strongest within the context of contemporaneous specificity.

By word count, this is my longest tip. Still, if I was limited to only one tip, this would be it. This one has the most potential to produce positive, repeatable results. As stated, gratitude works best and strongest within the context of contemporaneous specificity. While correct, the gist can be summed up with: Now, Gratitude is.

But allow me to try for more clarity. Gratitude works most deeply, and its effects are experienced most fully, in specific, definable, instantaneous and momentary awarenesses of appreciation. Hmmm…that’s worse. Try this: Gratitude is the sense of appreciation, wonder, and thankfulness for a single, specific thing, at a single specific moment in time. Yes, that’s closer to it. Now, Gratitude is.

Many believe they are grateful who ”count their blessings”, and can recite instances of good fortune for which they undoubtedly feel thankful as they remember them. But this type of gratitude is a lame imposter compared to the practice of gratitude I’m trying to capture with feeble words. Now, Gratitude is.

When Does Gratitude Happen? Now…

The first words of Hebrews 11:1 say, ”Now, Faith Is…”. I could meditate, write, and preach on this segment of a verse forever. Briefly, it declares the season in which faith can be exercised. That season is ”Now”. I submit, true gratitude is the same. Now, Gratitude is. Either Gratitude happens right now, this moment, at the exact instant when the pleasure for which gratitude is the deepest and only appropriate response, or it doesn’t happen at all.

True gratitude is the antithesis, and therefore the antidote, to depression and anxiety. It is not a backward looking remembrance. Nor, is it a journal chronicling pleasant things past. Rather, It is the present tense inhalation of appreciation for the present tense experience of the simplest pleasure. It is the pause to savor that stops time and transforms a right now moment of pleasure into an eternity. Gratitude is the observant mind grasping what makes pleasure pleasurable. And it is the satisfied inner accountant who says, “this is enough.” This awareness is one of profound appreciation and thanksgiving for the experience. And it is a sense of incredible awe at being capable of enjoying such an experience. No, true gratitude and depression cannot coexist. Now, Gratitude is.

Thus, gratitude is to be found in the first savored sip of freshly brewed, creamy coffee. Likewise, it is present at the first light of dawn. Similarly, for the grateful observer, it is the glimpse of Orion in the night sky, or the faintest outline of the crescent moon against a pale blue morning. Gratitude feels the smile on a baby’s face. And, it also invests the good-morning kiss of your love with all the the courage and fortitude you need to face the entire day. Gratitude is the warm coat you pull on against a chill wind. And can also be the childlike glee of a soft spring rain against your upturned face. Are you beginning to see? Now, Gratitude is.

Practiced this way, as a sort of “appreciation radar,” gratitude becomes a bulwark against almost every mental ailment, while enriching and elevating everything in its scope. And friends, there are as many different opportunities to practice it as moments in a day. For,…Now Gratitude is.

Be grateful therefore, and live. Now, Gratitude is.

May 13, 2021
Do Not Be Afraid Of Feeling Bad – It’s Good For You

Emotional moment: man sitting holding face in hands, stressed, sad, feeling bad, depressed, disappointed. We’ve all been here.

# 11 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: Do not be afraid of feeling bad. There are things to feel bad about, and the contrast is a wonderful reminder of why gratitude is so important.

This is one of the most important Life Tips. It also swims upstream against the prevailing American cultural and social ethic. We are a country terrified of feeling bad. So, we medicate. We pre-medicate prophylactically to prevent even the chance we might feel bad. We’re so afraid to feel bad, we self-medicate. But you do not to be afraid of feeling bad. If you don’t know both how to, and when to, feel bad; if you make yourself artificially numb to negative feelings, then neither will you experience the full heights of feeling good.

This one has been difficult to learn. Obviously, one doesn’t learn to feel bad by being gifted a million bucks. I heard a preacher once say that if you pray and ask God to take away your bitterness, He won’t do it by giving you a Cadillac. The point being, we all learn to feel bad by hard practice. But face it, this life deals everyone some hard, hard blows eventually. Not to be morbid, depressing, or nihilistic, but everyone you love is going to die some day. And you will join them if not precede them. This unavoidable truth doesn’t exactly feel like Disney World.

But what do we do with that truth? I say, let’s wring all the pleasure and joy and love out of this short ride on the merry-go-round that we possibly can. And, let’s do so in the knowledge that being human is the experience of the full gamut of emotion: from heart-crushing grief to soul-enriching joy. We will face the things in life that feel bad and become more resilient, more capable of experiencing appropriate emotional responses, and more grateful.

And here is the most important point. You will feel the worst over the loss of something you loved the most. They are two sides of the same coin. It is impossible to feel bad over something you couldn’t care less about. Bad feelings are the result when something that made us feel good goes missing, or is lost to us in some way.

If you are afraid of feeling bad, my advice is never, NEVER, let yourself attach to anything that makes you feel good.

”It all rolls into One.
And nothing comes for free.
There’s nothing you can hold
for very long.”
~ Grateful Dead: Stella Blue

It is important that we allow ourselves to put on the sweater of our bad feelings as Morrie would remind us in Mitch Albom’s excellent book Tuesdays with Morrie. There are things that will always bring some measure of hurt, pain, or sadness when we reflect on them. This is as it should be. Some things in life just hurt. This is the way of life. How dare we try to escape that by numbing out? To do so is to deny the very thing that makes us human. That sweater of pain will always feel bad whenever we choose to put it on. But we can also take it off and not wear it all day, every day.

No friends, Do not be afraid of feeling bad. We are the species that loves, and marries, and feasts, and dances in the face of future imminent death. There is an undercurrent of sadness that accompanies our reality. You can accept that fact, face it, and choose to live as full of gratitude for the myriad good things that come your way in a world where nothing lasts forever, or you can numb out in the effort to escape it. Just be aware that if you are afraid of feeling bad, you’ll disqualify yourself from feeling good, really good.

NOTE: I am not negating the fact of clinical depression, or crippling anxiety. Nor am I either vilifying or castigating those who suffer from these medical conditions. These conditions supersede mere emotional states. However, as this article from February, 2021 suggests, the over-prescription of psychiatric drugs is not without serious drawbacks, especially when many cases of depression and anxiety are contextual, non-pharmacological, and would respond better to psychotherapy than to dependence on medications.

As a final thought on this topic, let me leave you with this beautiful song, from Rich Mullins, who was tragically killed way too young on his way back from a free benefit concert for Native Americans. A horribly sad thing indeed:

“There’s bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain’t nothing to be afraid of
There’s bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain’t no reason to fear”
~ Rich Mullins: Bound to Come Some Trouble

May 12, 2021
Know Your Imperfections – You’ll Be Dragging Them With You Through Life

This scene shows context, situation, and negative emotion…a recipe for disaster

# 6 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: Know your imperfections – You won’t get over them or get past them, you’ll drag them with you through life. You must learn where they live and what brings them out of the dark.

TF does this mean, you may be asking yourself? Lemme explain. I often hear people struggling to overcome some negative trait or other, say they are hoping, ”to get over it”. There exists a belief, or maybe a wish, that it is possible to outgrow or forever overcome character flaws. Yet, the contrary is true. We rarely, if ever, get over, or get past, our imperfections. The imperfections are ours. They lurk beneath the surface (hopefully), but provided the right (wrong) context and a trigger, the imperfection(s) will bust out. This makes it imperative to know your imperfections, and also to be able to identify the conditions for their display, before they erupt.

To me, it is helpful to think of my most egregious character deficiencies as susceptibilities. It is helpful to me to realize that I am capable of all the acts and words that live in my life’s junk drawer of shame. I’ve already proven my ability to do each of them, after all. Thus, I have stopped making promises about whether or not one of them may fall out of the drawer into a life scene, ready for public consumption. I believe in the reality of toxic behavioral patterns. To short circuit the behavior, I have to spot the pattern that triggers it.

Think with me. Humans are capable of committing personal atrocities on an almost unimaginably vast scale, from drunkenness to adultery to drug abuse to 9-11. You and I may have never committed the most gruesome or detrimental deeds, but whatever disgraceful and disturbing commissions you have personally produced could come back at any time the conditions are ripe and your inner awareness and security system is lax.

Because We All Have A Past…And We Want To Leave It There

I have done a lot of bad stuff in earlier chapters of my life. And I live with the knowledge that the context and the opportunity I found myself in at those earlier times created the perfect recipe for their manifestations. Should the same conditions and opportunities arise, I would be foolish to think I couldn’t do the same things again, or worse. Of course I could.

And so could you. Especially so in the face of negative emotions. Each of us develops patterned responses to negative emotions. We build defense mechanisms. Some will have a pattern of attack, others a pattern of run away. The attackers group may become angry, abusive, hateful, and aggressive, The runners may drink, drug, or distract themselves with other potentially harmful efforts to feel something other than the negative feelings they are dealing with. The runners may end up in someone else’s arms for instance, or overdraft their checking accounts. The attackers may end up in jail on assault charges.

These examples illustrate extremes to a purpose. Which is, your patterns of response are unique to you. They are deeply ingrained. You will likely never, ”get past them”. The important thing is to know your imperfections, realize and know you won’t get over them, and become acutely aware of the first sign of the emotional signals that if unattended, might provide a trigger for your worst self to burst forth.

This form of internal situational awareness will be far more effective and therefore more beneficial to you than any efforts spent deluding yourself that you can overcome those deeply ingrained patterns. Better to realize that there is a ferocious attack dog lurking inside you. Be ready with the leash at the first sign of stirring.

We’re all capable of every bad thing you can think of given the opportunity and the context. Be watchful therefore, and aware of the particular context (both emotional and situational) that wakes up your inner demons. This is what it means to know your imperfections.

May 11, 2021
Focus On Your Strengths – Don’t Take Them For Granted

ESPN Illustration: Stephen Curry jumpshot . The best in history

#5 on my, 99 Life Tips – A Listis: Practice Your Strengths.

The idea here is primarily a matter of focus. Time spent patching up weaknesses and repairing deficiencies doesn’t pay off as well as effort spent when you simply practice your strengths.

The second part of the equation is the old adage, ”practice makes perfect”. Therefore, think not only of deploying your strengths, but of working on (practicing) them.

This one likely seems counter-intuitive for several underlying psychological reasons. This article from Zapier, by Jessica Greene has this to say:

“various studies have shown that when we focus on developing our strengths, we grow faster than when trying to improve our weaknesses. Plus, people who use their strengths are happier, less stressed, and more confident.”
Jessica Greene, Zapier

The same article cites a 2016 study showing that people believe two simultaneous things about themselves (their personalities):

1- Strengths are permanent features that are here to stay and will persist into the future.

2- Weaknesses (in the form of undesirable traits) are more easy to change than they really are.

It turns out neither of these is true. These implicit personality beliefs fool us. We think that we can easily change undesirable character flaws, while taking our personal assets for granted. The reality is those who identify their strengths and work to hone and perfect them achieve better results than those who think they can easily change their less desirable characteristics.

As anecdotal evidence, one can look at the performance of Stephen Curry. Already the most prolific and successful 3-point shooter in NBA history, Curry worked hard to make himself an even more potent 3-point scoring threat. He increased his range. He decreased the time it takes him to get a shot away. And he honed his passing skills. These were already MVP caliber strengths for Curry, but his renewed focus on those strengths are resulting in personal records for him during the current season. He is on pace to win the NBA scoring title despite being the focus of his opponent’s defenses game after game. Take a look at this article from the San Jose Mercury News for more on Curry practicing his strengths.

Whether you are an MVP in your job or your various roles in life, hopefully Curry’s example will inspire you that you can be even better. Take those strengths you already have and make them stronger. Don’t take them for granted. Polish them, hone them, and deploy them with even more confidence and accompanying success.

If you’re wondering what your strengths are, the Zapier article, linked above, also offers several resources to help you identify them, several of which are free online.

May 10, 2021
How To Apologize Well – A Step Towards Emotional Intelligence

One of the building blocks of apologizing well is the acknowledgement of how you made the other person feel

#4 on my, 99 Life Tips – A Listis: Learn to apologize well – that includes not just what you did, but also how what you did made the other person feel.

My post, Own It When You’re Wrong – And The Self-Respect Too implores the reader simply to be able to apologize when necessary. For some, the act of saying ”I’m sorry” is a significant hurdle to overcome. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. You’re able to form those words and express them when needed. So, let’s look at how to apologize well. Knowing how is a step toward emotional intelligence. Apologizing well is a demonstration of emotional intelligence.

First, recognize the emotional prompts motivating your apology. You may feel anything from mild embarrassment to severe shame. But you know at some level, you feel uneasy sweeping the situation under the rug, pretending it didn’t happen. You aren’t looking for someone else to blame, because your conscience is already blaming you. If you didn’t feel bad about what you’ve done, if you didn’t own it, you wouldn’t be contemplating an apology.

Now, there is a second step in knowing how to apologize well. For your apology to really mean anything, you’ll need to see that if is causing you self-directed negative emotions, it is an easy jump to realize how the target or object of your wrong must be feeling. If you feel bad for what you’ve done, they likely feel worse for having it done to them.

Third, recognize that this effect, this subsequent hurt you caused, is the outgrowth of the act itself, is just as damaging, and needs its own acknowledgment for any real relational reparation to occur. To apologize well, the inclusion of this acknowledgement is mandatory. If your apology is to be full and sincere, this is the critical component your ”victim” needs for there to be any restorative effect.

Don’t avoid this by simply mumbling a quick, ”my bad.” Even if you cannot know exactly how your ”sufferer” feels, at minimum, acknowledge that you didn’t make them feel good. So, at this stage you’re recognizing both what you did wrong, AND, the negative feelings it has produced.

Now, express your regrets and remorse over what you did. Say so plainly. Do not use the word ”if” when making an apology. Don’t say, ”I’m sorry, if what I did hurt you.” And don’t apologize for how the other person feels like this, ”I’m sorry you feel that way.” That is little more than a manipulative, blaming tactic clothed in a lame pseudo-apology. You don’t want to be told how to feel, and neither do they.

And finally, connect emotionally by expressions of remorse over how your actions or words made the other person feel. ”I’m so sorry I said that to you. I know my outburst must have really stung and embarrassed you, and I’m really sorry for making you feel that way.” Or something along these lines, ”I feel terrible for how my words hurt you. I am truly sorry.”

Again, to apologize well requires this emotional component. A good apology demonstrates emotional intelligence, and has the ability to both reconcile and restore. Learn to apologize well.

If you’d like to read further on this subject, here is a great article from MindTools that dives more deeply into some other aspects of a good apology. And also this one from PCD Counseling.

May 9, 2021
Own It When You’re Wrong – And Own The Self-Respect Too

Your hand turns the dice. Whose fault is it?

#3 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: Own it when you’re wrong. Accepting fault that is yours is the hallmark of character, maturity, and humanity.

”Well I ain’t often right, but I’ve never been wrong. Seldom turns out the way it does in the song.”
~ Grateful Dead: Scarlet Begonias

Why is it that some people have such a difficult time with this one? One of the most widely available avenues to personal growth and character development is simply to admit fault. As this article points out, it is one of the surest paths to both self respect and the respect of others. Own it when you’re wrong! Admit your mistakes. Own it as quickly as you can. Pride goeth before a fall, as the book says. A person who is always right (in their own eyes) has nowhere to go but down.

Is there anyone in your life who cannot admit fault? Do you know anyone who will not say, ”I’m sorry,” ”I was wrong,” ”that one is on me”, or any of the other variants?

God, I despise a blame-shifter. That’s nothing but chasing one mistake with a worse one. This excellent article goes so far as to say it is a form of emotional abuse.

It’s not enough to simply raise your hand and mumble, ”my bad”, when you’re in the wrong. Own that ish… Take responsibility for what you did wrong and for the repercussions. You will forever prove to yourself that you are the kind of person who can. Character doesn’t come from never being in the wrong. Character comes from being in the wrong, owning it, and learning from it. So, own it when you’re wrong.

Why? Because you’re human, and fallible, and like all of us, you make mistakes. When you step up and own your mistakes, that act says much more about you than the mistake does. It defines you as the kind of person who can acknowledge fault, lay down their ego and pride, and accept responsibility for your contribution to a problem. It makes you trustworthy, approachable, accountable, ethical, and real. In other words, a high-quality person, mistakes notwithstanding.

People who think so highly of themselves that they never say, ”I’m sorry”, never accept blame, never take responsibility for things going sideways, are pathetic. They are insecure, immature, and willfully blind to their own shortcomings. Quick to find fault in others, they never let the finger of blame swing around and point at themselves. They are hell-bent on protecting the reputation of an error-free self, non-existent in the real world.

And we know that’s not you. Naw, you own it when you’re wrong.

May 8, 2021
Do Not Ignore Your Discontent – You Never Know What Pearl Awaits

This pearl began with an irritant. What kind of beauty can your discontent produce? (Adobe Image licensed to author)

#2 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: Do Not Ignore Your Discontent. Identify and Embrace It.

The importance of this cannot be overstated, because the springboard of all motivation is discontentment. No one who is at perfect, nirvana-like, blissed-out peace, is motivated to do anything. Toward what end? Blissed out peace is the end of the journey. Discontent is the impulse needed to begin the journey. It is the grain of sand in the oyster that can turn into a pearl once identified, worked on, and transformed.

Your particular feelings of unease and dissatisfaction are unique to you. So, do not ignore your discontent. The irritants are signals, prompts, pressures, and triggers towards meaningful change. So, whatever that thing is that is bugging you: sit with it, analyze it, dig deeply into what is really bothering you. For your own sake, don’t attempt to drown your discontent with drugs, drink, or distraction, either. The disquiet might be temporarily numbed, but it won’t go anywhere by that method.

On the other hand, a full embrace and acknowledgement of the gnawing unease is your doorway to peace of mind. The process of discovering exactly what is bothering you, and why, will give you self-knowledge that is at least as valuable as the knowledge of what makes you happy. And it will give you a ready made boundary to keep it out of your life for good. Embrace your discontent and work on it, this is where true beauty comes from.

May 7, 2021
Show Up…And Keep Showing Up – Make Like A Tree…And Stay!

This white oak has been showing up, hanging out, sticking around a long time. A good teacher for him that has ears to hear

#1 on my, 99 Life Tips – A List is: Show up. This is 90% of a job, a relationship, parenting, you name it. Be present.

Allow me a few paragraphs to explore more of what this means. First, to show up is more than being physically present. There is little value in showing up with your body when your mind is somewhere else. Show up both physically and psychically whenever possible. When physically separated from loved ones by circumstance or distance, show up psychically. At all times, show up with your mind fully engaged.

Second, this tip includes the idea of perseverance, which was not mentioned in my 99 tips, but is implied by the full meaning of ”show up”. If I rewrote the tip, I would borrow from the Greek present participle idea of continuous and repeated action and say: Show up and keep showing up. Your consistent presence – in people’s lives, in your community, on your job, in your online space is the only way to create genuine connection. Otherwise, the group as a whole won’t grow or thrive, and the neither will the individual parts become all they could become.

Lastly, these combined ideas are shown in the middle of a bible verse, Ephesians 4:16:

”…joined and knitted firmly together by what every joint supplies, when each part is working properly, causes the body to grow and mature, building itself up in [unselfish] love…”
Ephesians 4:16, Amplified Bible

Every labor relations board and HR department in the country should study this verse for the insights. Without diving too deeply into full blown exegesis, notice the beauty of what is stated in this passage. A body becomes more than the sum of its parts when each part is showing up, fully engaged, working properly, joined in the proper connections. This is the full, final result of what can happen when we show up.

The Grateful Dead in 1980. Left to right: Jerry Garcia, Bill Kreutzmann, Bob Weir, Mickey Hart, Phil Lesh. Not pictured: Brent Mydland.

I cannot help but think of a band, which means I cannot help but think of the Grateful Dead. Each member does his part, listening to the others, blending with the others, conversing musically with the others, and the whole becomes alive. But each member has to show up for that to happen, and this means more than being physically present.

For a final metaphor, the old saw, ”Make like a tree…and leave.” is not only tired, it does a huge disservice to trees. Trees don’t leave. They stay. If nothing else, they show up. And by showing up, they begin to interact, interconnect, and in sufficient proximity to other trees, they become more than the individual sapling that started showing up to begin with. They form joints and bonds, begin to share, and in time…there is a forest.

So, you too, show up!…and keep showing up. Do you part. Play your role, whatever it is, in whatever area, like a rock star! Or maybe this is more your speed: Make like a tree…and stay!

May 6, 2021